The Agony of Betrayal – Dealing with it the Smart Way

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God is the reason why even at the saddest part of life we smile; even in confusion we understand; even in betrayal we trust; and even in fears or pain, we love.

Betrayal – it comes in many forms, through abandonment, vicious gossip, through the broadcast of lies and more. It leaves you questioning someone close to you while making you undermine yourself. At this rate betrayal seems very powerful, and it is, if you allow it to take hold of you. When I was young, I was told that if I was nice to people, that people would be nice in return. I quickly learned the hard way, that life didn’t quite work that way. Naturally a person cannot entirely cut ties with every human being solely because their trust has been violated, though the pain runs through you like a spear through the heart.

At this stage you’re left questioning, How this could be? What happened to this person I thought I knew? Why do I feel this way?


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Every experience, whether good or bad, opens our minds to our surroundings and allows us to gain wisdom and understanding. We learn to analyze a person or a certain situation with more care. Then again, no matter how carefully you tread through life, the fact still remains that you cannot control every outcome. This is where we learn to yield and submit ourselves to God; where we learn to lean on Him and trust in Him.


It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in man. (Psalm 118:8)


Trust in the Lord with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
6 in all your ways submit to him,
and he will make your paths straight.

7 Do not be wise in your own eyes;
fear the Lord and shun evil.
8 This will bring health to your body
and nourishment to your bones.

(Proverbs 3:5-8)


Looking at the world as a whole helps a lot in knowing every experience is there to strengthen us, but at the same time trusting in God helps a whole lot more! Jesus understands all that we encounter and are tempted with. When He was betrayed by Judas Iscariot and was delivered to the hands of the Jewish religious leaders, Jesus suffered mental anguish caused by that betrayal. Now Judas was one of Jesus’ disciples, and closest friend. He had invested his time in Him and cared for Judas just as He did all His disciples. Similarly, when Jesus was betrayed, He responded just as we do when we feel betrayed. Jesus felt a deep sense of hurt and wept to God the Father during His time suffering. At the end, God delivered Him from the pain.


14 Then one of the twelve [disciples], who was called Judas Iscariot, went to the chief priests 15 and said, “What are you willing to give me if I hand Jesus over to you?” And they weighed out thirty pieces of silver. 16 And from that moment Judas began looking for an opportune time to betray Jesus (Matthew 26:14-16)


Do Not Dwell on it.

We need to deal with betrayal in the most honorable way, by leaving it to God. Jesus though He was betrayed, did not act out in sin or anger instead He pressed on to the task that he was called to by the Father through the anguish. Let the entire world see how capable you are, believe in yourself, and trust in God throughout your life. Sometimes after trying your utmost best to fix it the best thing you can do is to walk away and not dwell on it, but instead deal with it.




You do need to confront the situation head on, but this does not mean that you must have a fight, just that you should try to address the issue if possible, even if it is with yourself.

Betrayal teaches you not only about other people but also about yourself.

The important thing is that you don’t take the betrayal personally and free yourself from blame. Otherwise you will carry this distrust with you into other relationships. So learn, accept, and move on.



Let’s understand what forgiveness is and what it isn’t. Forgiveness does not mean you are a walkover and that you condone what happened to you. It doesn’t mean that everything in a garden of roses and that you have to go into some kind of celestial place of enlightenment. It doesn’t even mean you have to reconcile with the person who betrayed you. Forgiveness is that we change our perception of how we view the situation, instead of viewing it from anger and holding onto hot coals, we accept what has happened and come from a place of understanding.




Forgiveness is for you to drop all you emotional baggage. Try to understand that not everyone who betrays you has done so intentionally or comes from a place of malice, it may be that there were other reasons, they just couldn’t help themselves or did it out of fear. Ultimately forgiveness is about your own inner healing.

Finally and perhaps the most importantly, do not close down your heart! Keep that sweet heart of yours open. Choose forgiveness. Do not form or perpetuate a limiting belief that you cannot trust people. Use this experience of betrayal as a reminder to come back to the ultimate source of trust: Jesus.


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Betrayal in its many forms can become, in effect, the unwelcome rite of passage that ushers us toward a brighter understanding of what love is and what love isn’t — what helps love grow, and what destroys it. Release it to God, do not allow bitterness to take root.


Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.”  (Romans 12:19)


Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth. (Colossians 3:2)


Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen. (Hebrews 11:1)


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Kim Yung CM

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