23 June 2014 by Mindy Oon CM-
God is a God of second chances, and the following is a testimony on how God continues to love us and how He reaches out to us even when we are far away from Him. DJ and her husband Dev run a restaurant in Ipoh and worship at Church Of Praise, Ipoh.
I suffered from depression and I felt so helpless that the only solution for me to be out of my situation was to take my own life. I had tried many times to take my life. But this time, I decided that it would be the last time.
I have children, but my children were not enough to put hope into my life. All I could see was darkness in my life. So, this time, I decided to end it all, and swallowed two boxes of Panadol Antifast, three months’ supply of Prozac, three months’ supply of sleeping tablets and to top it off, I also took my mother in law’s medication – her heart medication, her Parkinson’s medication, and whatever painkillers and pills that were in the house. All in all, I took more than 400 pills.
I was the last child of eight children in my family. Though I had a large family, I felt lonely most of the time. My parents were busy, and there was a 20-year-age-gap between me and my oldest siblings. I had always felt alone by myself. However, as a little girl, I went to Sunday School. And when I was 5 years old, I asked Jesus to come into my heart. I didn’t know much, but I asked Him into my heart because I needed a friend. And as a little girl, I experienced Jesus.
As I grew up, there was an immense pressure to fit in. And to ‘fit in,’ I had to of course, do things that were ‘cool’. Before I knew it, I moved away from God and the depression started, as I searched for love and acceptance. With every broken relationship I became more depressed. I married my husband at a very young age and we have four beautiful children.
Depression was still in my life, and after the third child in 1999, I would just go into my room and shut the door. I saw a psychiatrist and started on anti-depression medication. In 2002, I had my fourth child. And in 2003, I lost my dad. Depression just kept building its tower; although I tried to look happy on the outside, I was miserable behind closed doors. I was also drinking excessively and smoked more frequently. In 2004, I raised my dose of Prozac from 20mg to 80mg on my own, and I was on 80mg of Prozac until 2010.
I made sure that there was no one to intervene and took the pills in a hotel. However, on the third day after taking all the pills, I woke up. Realizing my suicide attempt did not work, I went back home. This time, something was different. I felt a strange fear, as if something was not right. I questioned myself, "How can I still be standing here today?" It was a miracle because no one could have survived what I just did. I felt really terrible.
About a month later, it was Christmas of 2009. I run a restaurant and due to the Christmas rush, I felt really tired and went back home to get some rest. I lay down on my bed and for some reason, I couldn’t open my eyes even though I was not asleep. There was a bright light, and I asked myself, "What is this?" And then, I saw Jesus standing with John the Baptist beside a river. In my vision, I went near to see and Jesus came out from the river and pointed at me. I knew what He meant – I had to get baptized. I told Him that I was not ready, and when I said that, He showed me demons before me, like I was watching a TV screen. Jesus was telling me that if I was not ready to be baptized, then I had better be ready for hell. I was really afraid but still I did some ‘bargaining’. I told Jesus, "I don’t want to go to hell. But if I come to you, then what?"
Jesus showed me a church and a pastor standing at the altar. I saw the pastor lay hands on me and in my vision, I was slain. It has always been by desire to experience Jesus, and I told Him, "If that is what happens, I will come to you." I believed in my heart that something great would happen if I come to Jesus.
The first Sunday of 2010, I went to church with my son. I knew the pastor of the church and when he asked for an altar call, I didn’t wait. I was the first one to reach the altar. With my eyes closed, I just surrendered. And as I was surrendering, the light came again, and all the singing around me became like angel voices. I was in His beautiful presence and I was amazed. The pastor prayed, and indeed, I was slained. And I kept running back to church and to God; I just wanted that love, which I felt when the Holy Spirit was upon me. I wanted a deeper encounter, a deeper knowing.
I desired to know Him so much and as I ran to God, there was deliverance. There was peace and joy. I was just overwhelmed by God’s presence! The darkness in my life just fled, and I have never been the same. He changed everything in my life. I have a new life, a new hope, a new vision, and a new purpose that I never had before. I now belong to my Creator. I know that if I had kept my life, I would have destroyed it. I was an unforgiving person, angry, and bitter. I was unhappy and totally miserable. But now, my life is full of peace and joy. Jesus gave me back my life and this is the second chance for me. Without Him, we are indeed nothing.
I experienced an amazing transformation. Of course, there are ups and downs in my walk with God, as surely the enemy was not happy. But I have learnt that I have the authority given by Christ to rebuke the enemy when he attacks!
I still took my depression medication after I surrendered to God. While I was filled with peace and joy, I didn’t realized that I was totally healed until after my baptism. The morning after my baptism, I was holding the medication in my hand and about to take it. But of all things, a bird by the window whistled and said "Don’t take" in its chirp. It said this twice. I thought I was going crazy, as I definitely had not heard the story about the donkey talking to Balaam. And then, God spoke to me saying, "Throw it away my daughter for you are healed."
Galatians 2:20 says, "I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me." Indeed, I will not experience life in this life as long as I am striving in my own effort to be who God wants me to be. Praise the Lord!
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