You are what you are because of what you think in your heart (Prov. 23:7)
We originate from a so called respectable and religious culture where we don’t want to upset anybody. We are afraid to humble ourselves during an altar call. We are afraid to confront a problem. We are afraid to express our opinions. In other words we are not prepared to rock the boat. We are not prepared to change our mindset to put something in order. The end result unfortunately is that we don’t have a testimony to impact anybody. Is this what God expects from each one of us?
Change your thinking and you will change your life! Have you ever felt that someone is dominating and controlling your life? Have you ever felt that you are no longer in control and you have lost all balance and direction to your destiny? You are just hanging there hopeless and helpless trying to please everybody else. You become a people pleaser chasing “approval acceptance” all through your life.
Rom.12:2: “Do not be conformed to this world but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that you may prove what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.”
You become a conformer when you have no control over your life. People who compromise the standards, values, virtues, morals and principles laid down in God’s word instead of allowing their lifestyle to be aligned to God’s standards fall into this category.
A transformer on the other hand renews his mind with God’s word daily. He allows God to speak into his life about His goodness and mercy and he flows in the purpose and plan of God. Such is a person who can hear from God and who is in absolute confidence of who is shaping his life. We need to be serious about this issue of seeking the approval of others in our life. Literally it boils down not to what others want you to be but what God wants you to be.
HOW MANY OF YOU ARE AWARE THAT WHEN YOU ARE A PEOPLE-PLEASER IT’S AGAINST YOUR NATURE. YOU CAN END UP ENSLAVED INTO AN ADDICTIVE BEHAVIOUR.
You become addicted and live for others. If you don’t address this issue you will end up living for others for the rest of your lives.
FEAR OF REJECTION
You see most of us suffer from fear of rejection. Are you afraid of being rejected? Are you afraid of people dominating and controlling your life? Does it affect what you say; does it affect what people say about you? Does it affect the food you eat? Or the clothes you wear? The car you drive?
All our life we have been concerned and worried about what other people think about us, aren’t we? It’s all about approval acceptance in the environment that we live in.
Satan is all out to destroy your true identity in Christ. If he can take you away from your true identity in Christ, if he can do that, he has succeeded in destroying you. How does Satan do that? One of the key tools he uses to destroy your true identity is by using the opinions of other people. He will use all the negative things people have said about you including your parents, your friends, your husbands, your wives, etc. He will bombard you with all the negative things they have said about you and try to squeeze you into their image of condemnation.
Most of the time you say: I know the right thing to do. But I don’t do it because I am worried about other people’s approval of my actions. The questions I want ask you today are that: Why can’t I handle their disapproval? Why am I so weak? Why can’t I express my opinions and my thoughts freely? I have to say yes to people all the time because I am afraid to say no to others.
I am tired of what other people think of me! I am tired of being manipulated and being abused by others. Sometimes I don’t even know who I am. I am just a collection of the expectations of others.
You know what? You will end up living in the opinions of others. You will end up living a life your parents wanted you to live. You will end up living what your friends wanted you to live! You will end up being squeezed into other people’s mould. YOU WILL NOT LIVE THE LIFE THAT GOD WANTED YOU TO LIVE.
Fear of man will prove to be a snare,
but whoever trusts in the Lord is kept safe.
Have you ever realized when people become bigger in our life than God? It diminishes our priority we give to God. We focus on people instead of focusing on God who is the author and finisher of our faith. We give authority, we give influence and we empower people instead of empowering God.
The question is whose opinion matters to me more. Who am I going to trust and believe more, people or God? This is the reason why in some churches the pastor becomes the God. There was nothing wrong with the pastor. The pastor started well. He stood in his right place. But the people gave him so much authority, power and influence that they literally shifted him to the place of God.
Please don’t get me wrong. There is nothing wrong in pleasing your parents. There is nothing wrong in pleasing your husbands and wives. There is nothing wrong in pleasing your friends. There is nothing wrong being liked and approved of my families and friends. There is nothing wrong with that! In fact you need a certain amount of approval in your life. The Bible also tells us to be pleasing to others. Don’t just live for yourselves. If you don’t care about others, if you are only living for yourself, then you are considered selfish. But you don’t have to live in the boxes of other people!
Because your true identity in Christ is a very unique identity with a unique DNA and nature. God has created you with such uniqueness to fulfil a purpose He has already designed for you and nobody can take that away from you, not even the devil!
Envy and pear pressure are two enemies that you need to watch out for.
(1) when you envy other people's life and you try to copy them
(2) when you succumb to peer pressure and you become addicted to please other people then you will miss out on God’s purpose for your life.
Listen! God loves you just the way you are! God loves you unconditionally! It’s the voice of the devil that will keep whispering to you that God doesn’t love you anymore because of your flaws in your life. And if you compromise with his voice you will become a victim of condemnation and guilt and ultimately you will become vulnerable to chase acceptance and approval all through your life.
Note: Rev Dr Jai Kumar is an ordained & licensed minister of Covenant Ministries International N.J. USA. He is a mission minded pastor who carries an apostolic anointing who preaches and teaches an uncompromising gospel with boldness. A member of ECCM (Malaysia) Spiritual Adviser & overseer to various ministries and churches. An itinerant speaker. He is also the author of a book entitled, ‘God’s Time Clock.’ Currently he worships at C3 Subang.
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Rev Dr Jai Kumar