2 Jan 2013, by Amanda Soo-
When I enrolled into Tunku Abdul Rahman College Kuala Lumpur two and a half years ago, I told myself I wanted to have a more intimate and personal relationship with God.
I had lived the first seventeen years of my life in the safety and supportive shelter of my Christian family. My parents made sure I grew up listening to Bible stories, that I remembered to say my grace before each meal and that I didn’t miss church every Sunday.
As much as I was sure of my Christian identity, my walk with God was really defined by reading of the Bible every other week and throwing of emergency prayers to God when I was in trouble. I found no reason to go beyond that as I never had my faith and beliefs be challenged by anyone.
I wanted that to change in college. But then, even as something in me no longer wanted to merely know a distant God, there was another area that I had always had problem with: finding closeness with people. And I wasn’t ready to change that.
Stepping into college was a culture shock for me. I was fortunate enough to meet a few fellow Christians early in my journey. One of them was Tricia, a classmate who eventually became a CF comrade and my best friend. She was so passionate about God that she would relate just about every incident and thought to God. I wasn’t used to seeing that level of passion, and I remember thinking she was weird.
The other Christians that I met didn’t fit into my picture of the average Christian youth either. Before I met them, there was no such thing as debates about biblical views or hours of talks among friends regarding issues close to their heart.
This bunch of people that I met in my campus Christian Fellowship (CF) discussed meanings to Bible verses during their free times. Their form of entertainment was figuring out the right chords to the latest Christian songs.
A number of them would gather in a dark spot in the student hostel to pray almost every weeknight. After prayer, they would regularly spend hours talking with one another about their hopes and dreams.
They intrigued and even scared me a little with how open they were to one another’s vulnerabilities and most personal thoughts. Everything about them screamed weird Christians to me.
My first two attendances to CF meetings by myself didn’t leave much of an impression other than I felt out of place there. I was too reserved to be able to comfortably strike up a conversation with all the unfamiliar faces.
After the first two encounters in CF, continuing to be a part of it wasn’t really an appealing idea. However, something within me told myself CF would be an important platform for me to grow in the Lord. So, reluctantly, I stayed on. I told myself, I’m staying for God, not for the people.
Even in all my initial hesitation to be involved in CF, God must have had a plan for me all along. The time came for the election of a new executive committee. Tricia encouraged me to be part of it, so I took and submitted my application form without much thought.
I went for the interview, received a call a few days later informing me that I was now a part of the committee, and irrevocably got myself involved in CF.
Although I had begun to serve in CF, fitting in with the crowd still didn’t come naturally. In fact, it took me a year before I began to open myself up to my CF friends who had tried for months to get things out of me.
During that period, I struggled to find the intimacy that I had hoped would be found in God. That led me to think whether how I related to God was reflected in the way I related with people. For how could I begin to trust God if I wouldn’t even have confidence in the people He had placed around me?
Sick of being emotionally distant from everyone, I made a conscious decision to start trusting people and to allow them into my life. That took courage and time, but I knew I could rely on God’s strength to help me pull through.
I began to spend more time with fellow CF members and to let my guard down so that they could get to know me. Turned out, doing that wasn’t so hard, and I began to have more close friends in CF.
When I grew closer to this bunch of people, something else happened. My walk with Him became less of a struggle and I found myself experiencing God’s love through these people.
Looking back, my root issue was my distrust of people.
When I finally allowed myself to trust others, I began to love them more and see them as people I could be close to. In turn, growing in my intimacy with passionate Christians gave me room to grow in my intimacy with God.
I stayed in CF thinking it would help me bridge the gap between God and me. Little did I know that while God wanted that to happen, He also desired to bridge the gap between me and other people.
Over the past couple of years, I have learned that I can’t be in CF just for God. He has placed the people there so that when I love them and let myself be loved, I open myself to live in His love even more.
The people are the ones who have helped me to see God in every part of my life, reminded me of my worth in God’s eye and, ultimately, helped me draw closer to Him.
His people are the greatest gift that He has given me in my college journey.
If anyone says, “I love God,” yet hates his brother, he is a liar. For anyone who does not love his brother, whom he has seen, cannot love God, whom he has not seen. – 1 John 4:20
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References for pictures:
http://omgtoptens.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/friends-pic.jpg
http://www.craftingthesacred.com/wp-content/spimg/Judgment1.jpg
Glory be to God for ur life, I need more of him (Jesus) in my life too
TARC CF… Its the right place to grow
Was there in 1981