10 June 2013 by James Hoh CM-
When Shirley Tan went through the long dark tunnel in her life, she had no idea that her circumstances would form in her to something beautiful in the service to be used by God.
Stephanie, her cute and adorable daughter, was suddenly stricken with cerebral palsy at the age of two. While she spent much time caring for the little girl, her husband started an affair.
With no husband by her side most of the time, and a heart wrecked with pain, she went through some of the darkest hours of her life.
This is the testimony of a brave mother who has conquered life’s many difficulties and who now lends strength to parents of more than 90 special children in the little township of Taman Cuepacs in Cheras.
Here is her story…
When I had my daughter I didn’t know she had special needs. The doctors just couldn’t understand why my daughter had developed cerebral palsy at the age of two. Stephanie is now with the Lord Jesus Christ. She passed on in 2010 when she was 21 years old.
When she was born, she looked normal but she developed celebral palsy due to ‘injured brain’, the doctors said. In fact, none of the doctor actually knew what happened to her. Like many things in life, there were no answers.
I didn’t want to subject her to more tests because it was painful for her and equally painful and traumatizing for me.
I remember a doctor in the University Hospital saying this to me, “Your daughter is profoundly retarded and needs 24 hours care all her life. She could use some physiotherapy to strengthen her muscles,”
Stephanie wasn’t able to walk all her life. I brought her to early intervention and the preschool at St Francis Assissi Church nearby until she graduated at the age of six. We couldn’t figure out where to go after that.
By right she was to start primary schooling but because her severe condition, they couldn’t accept her. Where should I go from there? I was lost.
I had to quit my work because I had to go to the hospital with my daughter by taxi twice a week. I was taking too much time off work and I couldn’t take the pressure anymore.
So I had to quit my job as a clerk in the Ministry of Education, Kuala Lumpur. I stayed home for two years to care for Stephanie.
But life began to turn around slowly after I met Aimee Chan who was staying in the neighbourhood. One day she asked me, “Why don’t we start our own place here?” There were ten children who faced similar disabilities.
We also met a very helpful lady from the Social Welfare Department who gave us advice when we registered with the Registrar of Society in 1995.
The Government gave us seed money of RM5,000 but we managed to raise funds through some activities. All of us were very enthusiastic. We managed to get Persatuan Kanak-kanak Istimewa(PKKI), Hulu Langat started with Aimee being the founder. I wasn’t a Christian yet.
Guilt and condemnation set in and pounded me. Initially, I asked myself what have I done that caused my daughter to be like this? What went wrong with my life? These questions were already there much earlier but I didn’t have the time to face them then.
I went to the temple and consulted a medium. He said that I was sinful and my daughter was getting the punishment, the consequence of my past sins. He said, in order to reverse this curse, I would have to do more good works and burn more joss-sticks.
I went through all these but there were no results. I told myself enough was enough.
At that time, Aimee Chan was sharing the Gospel with me but unfortunately, the relationship between me and my husband had gone sour. In fact, he was having affair with another woman.
What had happened to my life? I asked in desperation. Everything seems to have gone wrong!
After classes on Fridays, Aimee’s pastor came to visit and pray for us. One day I just gave my life to Jesus Christ. Although my family was a little upset with me but from then on, I started to see things positively.
Then came more challenges. My daughter was having fits so we were in and out of the hospital many times. Our pockets were near empty as my husband had just finished his seven-year service-bond with the army and found a job in a bank.
When my husband knew that I found out about his affair, he stopped seeing the other woman but it was too late for our relationship as I couldn’t bring myself to trust him anymore.
My walk with the Lord was like a roller coaster until 2004 when my marriage started to crack and my husband went back to be with his girlfriend. I wanted to get out of the marriage.
My church pastors and friends tried to discourage me but left the decision entirely up to me. My family members tried to persuade me to give my daughter back to him so that I can be free after if I got a divorce.
But I couldn’t give up on Stephanie. I did not go ahead with the divorce because of my daughter. We still shared a house although there was a lot of bitterness between us.
At that time, there were many Christian workers at PKKI and many parents (of the disabled children) became Christians. We didn’t give up hope on our children. We clung on to God in order to keep our sanity.
In 2005, Stephanie’s lungs collapsed and she was on life support. The doctor told us that if we took her out of the life support, she would slip away and pass on but my husband decided not to.
However, the doctor insisted on taking out her life support system after the third day. We were told that if she could not breathe on her own, we would have to let her go.
But miraculously she started breathing again after the third day without the system. Praise God, she survived. To me, she wasn’t about giving up. My husband also felt he made the right decision.
In 2009, we threw a birthday party for Stephanie to celebrate her 21st birthday. We invited her friends. She was so happy.
But after her birthday, she was hospitalized for more than a month. When she regained her strength and was able to eat again, I requested for her baptism but my pastor doubted if this was Stephanie’s decision. So our pastors, church elder, my worker and I went to the hospital to ask Stephanie if it was my decision or hers.
To their surprise, Stephanie could understand every word we say. When my pastor asked her “Mommy says you want to be water-baptised, is that what you want? She blinked her eyes to indicate ‘yes’. So she was baptized on her bed that day.
That was how we communicated. When she wanted to say she loves me, she would lift her hands to caress my face.
I thank God that throughout her teens, there were lots of close friends praying for her and telling her about Jesus Christ. Sometimes, they would take her to Sunday school. So I do believe that her spirit-man knew God and she really wanted to be baptized.
Meanwhile for six months in 2006, my husband and I were like strangers living in the same house. There was lots of bitterness in me. I couldn’t understand why my husband did this to me.
Most of the time, I wore an angry face to office and nobody liked to be around me. My pastor urged me to forgive him even though what he did to you wasn’t right.
I remember I lost 30 pounds as I could only sleep two hours each day. I was an emotional wreck always having suicidal thoughts. I wanted to kill myself and take my daughter along with me. I told Aimee about it and she had a shock and it sent everyone praying for me.
One day, I thought I should forgive my husband in order to move on with my life. I was not going to torture myself anymore, it was not worth it. I told my friend Fiona that I chose to obey God and prayed.
Instantly there was a release and I was able to sleep very well. The next morning, I told my husband that I forgave him. He was so shocked; he thought I have gone mad.
In 2009, because of his gambling habits, my husband lost a lot of money and we had to sell our house. At that time also, Stephanie was hospitalized because of her deteriorating condition.
On Sunday – 7 March 2010, 2am her vital signs were all going down. My husband and I were with her whole Saturday night as she passed on peacefully without pain at about 7am on Sunday. We reckoned that she was tired after putting on 21 years of struggle. Although I miss her a lot, knowing that she has gone to a better place with her Lord Jesus Christ, a place where there is not bodily defects. The thought gave me the consolation.
Shirley went on to divorce her husband after Stephanie passed on. She finds that they are happier now as friends. She went through so much pain during the 21 years but she didn’t give up on her life or her Stephanie’s. Now she is helping more than 90 children regardless of religion and race to cope with their difficulties.
PKKI intends to build a much bigger and modern complex at Mahkota Cheras to house the school. To God be the glory!
Donations are most welcome. Please visit http://www.pkki.org or call Shirley Tan at 603-90761172. Anyone who is interested to help can take up volunteery works or full-time administrative possitions.
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