Can I trust you?

27 Oct 2013 by Natasha Kim CM-

These days, trust isn’t the easiest thing to establish or attain because integrity is always in question. Trust is having faith, hope, and confidence in someone or something. However, more often than not, people find humanity to be lost simply because they find it hard to believe anyone. Have you often wonder and ask, “Can I trust you?” If you have a problem trusting a fellow human being, then, are there times you distrust God as well? Pastor Tryphena Law spoke about this topic at a recent Women In Touch (WIT) meeting (Women’s Ministry founded by City Revival Church), about how to build basic trust in God and men, and how to develop healthy emotions and relationships.

Tryphena grew up having difficulty dealing with people in life because of built-up mistrust that evolved from her past. After having dealt with those issues, she proves herself triumphant and finds it easy to trust again. Now, she devotes her time to help other's find that trust within themselves again. “A lot of issues in our life take place because we lack trust,” she shared. Without knowing it, it might have been the source of your problems all this while. “We all have it, it’s a matter of degree. Many people put up their best front because they do not want to show their weak side,” she said.

Is this true of you?

I am not what I think I am
I am not what you think I am
I am what I think You think I am

Sadly, some take the way other's think of them to establish their identity and sense of worth.

How can we tell if we have basic trust?

Basic Trust is the capacity to hold the heart to other's, even if they wound us.
Basic Trust is the ability to bounce back, to recover quickly.
Basic Trust is the courage needed to say ‘NO’, not to be controlled and manipulated by others.
Basic Trust is the root of true self-confidence, freedom from tyranny of what other people think of us.
Basic Trust underlies all moral and ethical behavior.
Basic Trust enables us to cherish and appreciate what other's are.
Basic Trust is the ability to entrust your heart to God.

Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.

(Jeremiah 33:3)

Restoring Basic Trust

Many times in life, people cry for help, they pour out their problems to other's only to reject the help after it is given. Simultaneously, people must realize that God often stretches out His hand to help us but we refuse to see it or take it. We need to be vulnerable enough to change. All of us have the opportunity to grow and be emotionally healthy.

Basic trust is the fundamental building block of human relationships and it is connected with mothers because a mother is the very first person that can imprint basic trust on the child. “If basic trust can be established, then you and I will be able to trust God more and have the foundation of hope and faith,” she shared. She based a lot of her teachings on trust in the Bible and in Erik Erikson’s study of psychosocial development of human beings throughout their life span.

The works of his hands are faithful and just; all his precepts are trustworthy. (Psalm 111:7)

The table below summarizes each stage of development. In each stage, the person confronts, and hopefully masters new challenges. Each stage builds upon the successful completion of earlier stages. The challenges of stages not successfully completed may be expected to reappear as problems in the future.

Erikson's Stages of Psychosocial Development

Stage	Basic Conflict	Important Events	Outcome
Infancy (birth to 18 months)	Trust vs. Mistrust	Feeding	Children develop a sense of trust when caregivers provide reliabilty, care, and affection. A lack of this will leads to mistrust.
Early Childhood (2 to 3 years)	Autonomy vs. Shame and Doubt	Toilet Training	Children need to develop a sense of personal control over physical skills and a sense of independence. Success leads to feelings of autonomy, failure results in feelings of shame and doubt.
Preschool (3 to 5 years)	Initiative vs. Guilt	Exploration	Children need to begin asserting control and power over the environment. Success in this stage leads to a sense of purpose. Children who try to exert too much power experience disapproval, resulting in a sense of guilt.
School Age (6 to 11 years)	Industry vs. Inferiority	School	Children need to cope with new social and academic demands. Success leads to a sense of competence, while failure results in feelings of inferiority.
Adolescence (12 to 18 years)	Identity vs. Role Confusion	Social Relationships	Teens need to develop a sense of self and personal identity. Success leads to an ability to stay true to yourself, while failure leads to role confusion and a weak sense of self.
Young Adulthood (19 to 40 years)	Intimacy vs. Isolation	Relationships	Young adults need to form intimate, loving relationships with other people. Success leads to strong relationships, while failure results in loneliness and isolation.
Middle Adulthood (40 to 65 years)	Generativity vs. Stagnation	Work and Parenthood	Adults need to create or nurture things that will outlast them, often by having children or creating a positive changes that benefit other people. Success leads to feelings of usefulness and accomplishment, while failure results in shallow involvement in the world.
Maturity(65 to death)	Ego Integrity vs. Despair	Reflection on Life	Older adults need to look back on life and feel a sense of fulfillment. Success at this stage leads to feelings of wisdom, while failure results in regret, bitterness, and despair.

Trauma

Distrust is often caused by an emotional wound or shock or any physical damage to the body (violence, accident or fracture etc.). Both often have long-lasting effects on a person. The damage caused by being unloved is great because the good things that a person should have, have been taken away from them. Some of the things that can cause trauma are namely:-

No affirmation- Criticized, shamed, rejected and punished repeatedly
Receiving unrealistic standards and goals
Parents expressing negative words and expectations (failure, inferiority) on the child
Constant, severe, and harsh punishment that is inappropriate for the child
Little or no cuddling, hugging, or affectionate touch
Implying that they are a nuisance, stupid, or incompetent
Overprotection or strong controlling parents who dominate their children so they fail later when forced to be on their own.

If a person successfully develops trust, he or she will feel safe and secure in the world. Caregivers who are inconsistent, emotionally unavailable, or rejecting contribute to feelings of mistrust in the children they care for. Failure to develop trust will result in fear and a belief that the world is inconsistent and unpredictable.

Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne? Though she may forget, I will not forget you! See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands; your walls are ever before me. (Isaiah 49:15-16)

7 Basic Needs of Humans

Need for Love
Need for Protection
Need for Value
Need for Power
Need to be Known
Need to be Heard
Need to be Understood

The most important step is to help the wounded ‘little child’ within you to grieve and allow the loving presence of Jesus to heal and overwhelm us. The good news is that God can reparent us and He has provided the community as part of the healing process. Growth comes not from getting through the stages on time or in order, but from receiving love at whatever stage we are in. According to research, some Psychotherapist state that adults need four hugs a day for survival, eight for maintenance and twelve for growth. Erickson says that basic trust is established not so much through quantities of love and attention, but through the quality of love the child receives.

However, Tryphena shares that we should not despair for development missed earlier because it can be made up later, and that anything can be healed. Throughout our lives, we are deepening the first stage of basic trust. The whole community is part of our healing process and it is a lifelong process with new opportunities to discover gifts for loving. Although our birth (due to original sin) is fraught with many problems, God has created a solution for us and has arranged a new birth in which we experience when we have a relationship with the Trinity, that is God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit. “Allow the presence of Jesus to overwhelm you. Simply have a child-like faith. Do not have a heart of stone,” shared Tryphena.

He took the children in His arms, put His hands on them and blessed them.

(Mark 10:16)

Healing for Basic Trust Issues

Trace Bitter Roots and Inner Vows to their Point of Origin
Confession and Repentance
Do Not Blame Other's (Understand the Need to Forgive) 'the System' or even God
Soaking up Prayers- Get in Touch With How You Need Jesus’ Help
Take Responsibility To Receive God’s Healing

Yet to all who did receive him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God (john 1:12)

A Prayer to the Lord

Lord, I confess I do not trust. This lack of trust has permeated my life and hindered my walk with you. Heal the wound that my distrust of you has caused to our relationship. I know I need healing and I cannot keep blaming others. Lord I know I need to forgive those who have wounded me, and contributed to my lack of trust. I confess my need for trust and my inability to build myself. I need your help. Help me not to run or hide when love comes close. I ask you to build and restore trust and with it restore the years the locusts have eaten. In Jesus’ Name. Amen.

Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul. (Psalm 143:8)