News Ticker

Stop Adding Fuel to Fire

January 14, 2014 cm-admin Inspire 0

14 Jan 2014 by Lim Poh Ann-

How to defuse tension in an argument—the 4S approach

Disagreement and quarrels may lead to outbursts of temper. Beyond throwing dagger-like glances at the other party, people may even lunge at one another with daggers. How can we avoid such a potentially explosive situation?

1. Saturate yourself with God’s wisdom

But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere.

(James 3:17).

It is helpful to check ourselves: Are we deficient in these attributes of godly wisdom? By espousing His wisdom, we can avoid getting carried away in the heat of an argument.

2. Stop it at the source

Starting a quarrel is like breaching a dam; so drop the matter before a dispute breaks out.

(Proverbs 17:14, NIV).

Beginning a quarrel is like opening a floodgate, so drop the matter before a dispute breaks out.

(Proverbs 17:14, NLT).

If you sense that a disagreement is making no headway—and both sides are not willing to give in—back off before it escalates into something undesirable.

3. Soften your approach

A soft answer turns away wrath,
but a harsh word stirs up anger.
The tongue of the wise commends knowledge,
but the mouths of fools pour out folly.
The eyes of the Lord are in every place,
keeping watch on the evil and the good.
A gentle tongue is a tree of life,
but perverseness in it breaks the spirit.

(Proverbs 15:1-4)

The volume and tone of our voice matter when we are getting our point across to the other party.

4. Say sorry

If we fail to adhere to the steps above and lose our composure, we should apologise. It takes humility to admit we have offended someone.

God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble.

(James 4:6).

Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God.

(Matthew 5:9)

RELATED POSTS

DISAGREEING WITH GRACE

How can we be positive about disagreement?

UNITY vs TRUTH

While it is important to be humble and tolerant to get along well with others, we should not compromise the truth for the sake of unity.

WINNING THE BATTLE, LOSING THE WAR

We also need to remember that one may win an argument but it is useless if one loses a long-term relationship.

Note: Dr Lim Poh Ann is a medical practitioner. He was the former editor of Asian Beacon magazine (December 2008 – October 2011).

Source:

Porridge For The Soul By Dr Lim Poh Ann

http://limpohann.blogspot.com/

http://limpohann.blogspot.com/2013/12/stop-adding-fuel-to-fire.html

Disclaimer: The views or opinions expressed by the columnists are solely their own and do not necessarily represent the views or opinions of Christianity Malaysia.com