Seek Him When You Fall

When I first met Mrs Lim Hun Soon*, I was charmed by her friendliness and radiant smile. She is always caring and friendly to everyone she meets. But that sunny smile hides her tragic loss and her most painful cries to God. It was many years later that she shared with me how she struggled with the loss of her husband and her despair when she discovered that her son has a mental health condition.

Through her life experiences, Mrs Lim has learned to depend only on God, to humbly seek Him not only in the hour of her need but be committed to developing a personal relationship with God regardless of what has happened. This is her testimony of God’s unfailing love for her.

God’s Love and Perfect Timing

The greatest lesson Mrs Lim learned through her life journey is to have faith and trust in God, believe He has a plan for everyone and to wait patiently for His timing.

For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans for your welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you (Jeremiah 29:11-12 RSV)

Mrs Lim calmly faced her latest affliction when she had to undergo an emergency operation at age 87. She didn’t realised that the stomach pains that had been troubling her for the past two months would turn so serious to warrant surgery.

On a Sunday morning, she woke up with such intense pains that she had to be rushed to the hospital’s emergency ward. After going through several tests, the doctor discovered a blockage in her intestines and informed her she needed surgery immediately.

Before the doctor could proceed, the consent form had to be signed by a family member. The hospital would not accept the signature of her mentally challenged son and none of the church members who accompanied her were family. However, God’s timing was so perfect. Mrs Lim’s son-in-law, residing in Australia, was on a flight to Malaysia that day. He landed late in the evening,went straight from the airport to the hospital, to sign the consent form. Mrs Lim was wheeled into the operating theatre at 11 p.m! She regained consciousness at 3 a.m, cheerfully calm and none the worse for wear, a far cry from her youthful, timid and nervous self of her early years!

From this unexpected crisis, Mrs Lim’s trust in God’s plan and perfect timing was reaffirmed. Her son-in-law’s arrival was God’s perfect timing and her daughter’s early application for vacation leave, long before her mother’s surgery, was God’s plan to enable her daughter to arrive home to take care of her mother. That again is God’s demonstration of His love for Mrs Lim.

Facing Her Tragic Loss

Mrs Lim’s current calm demeanour was a result of her life experiences which gave her resilience and ability to face any adversity. She shared that before her husband’s passing, she was emotionally weak and needed prescribed tranquilisers to overcome her nervous condition.

Her life before her husband’s home-call, was secure and happy, almost like a walk in the park. Born and bred in a Christian home, she accepted Christ at the young age of 12. She studied in a Chinese Christian school then enrolled in a teachers’ training college. She met her husband, an engineer who loved music, in a church choir.

Mr Lim was a loving and protective husband and was an elder in a church. Knowing that Mrs Lim was by nature, very timid and emotionally fragile, he managed all the household finances and created a warm and safe environment for Mrs Lim to raise their family: two sons and a daughter.

Then suddenly everything changed. Everything she based her future on came crashing down. Mr Lim was diagnosed with lung cancer which had spread to the spine. Less than a year later, at age 46, Mr Lim passed away in the hospital. Mrs Lim was totally unprepared for the cancer to spread so fast and to lose her husband so suddenly. But she had to accept her husband’s passing because his home-call was God’s call not hers to choose or decide.

Hiding Her Fears and Tears

With the unexpected loss of her husband, her days dragged by in great fear and trembling. Overnight she had to assume the role of father and mother to her eldest son who was studying overseas and her two younger children who were still in school. Very often she cried in the bathroom to hide her fears and tears from her children.

Her close friends who knew of her condition were naturally concerned that she might suffer a nervous breakdown. But Mrs Lim soon learned to be dependent on God, have faith and trust that God “will not reject a broken and repentant heart” (Psalms 51:17 NLT). She held on to the promises in God’s Word that tells her to:

rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not disappoint us because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit which has been given to us. (Roman 5:3-5 RSV)

Lost But Not Alone

Looking back Mrs Lim believes that God kept His promises to her for His power was made perfect in her weakness, giving her strength to get through her darkest hour. God sent a band of sisters-in-Christ to shine a light on her darkness. Her fellow Christians rallied round and accompanied her whenever she needed help until she was capable of handling matters on her own. She recalled trembling with nervousness when she entered the bank for the first time. She had to learn how to send money through a bank draft to support her son overseas and how to pay all the household utility bills.

God chooses many different ways to light her way and help her through her losses and afflictions. He speaks to her through His Word and He places godly people – friends, relatives and mentors – to support and guide her when she felt lost and alone.

The Lord is near to the brokenhearted, and saves the crushed in spirit. (Psalm 34:18)

Fighting the Dark Wilderness

The most terrifying time and biggest challenge facing Mrs Lim after her husband’s passing was when her youngest son was diagnosed with a mental health condition. Back then, mental health awareness was nothing like what it is today. Mrs Lim was completely devastated. She had no experience on how to cope with her son’s constant mood changes. The first ten years after the diagnosis were the most challenging. It was like walking in the dark wilderness together with her son.

Randomly when her son was upset, he was prone to lash out at people closest to him, usually at his mother. Immediately after the meltdown, he would feel contrite and sad, frequently crying in his sleep. As Mrs Lim watched his son crying, she believed that Jesus was comforting him, and giving him a peaceful sleep. To get through days like these, Mrs Lim learned to reach out to Jesus for His love and protection.

By the grace of God, through long-term medication, training and rehabilitation, her son recovered and was able to work part-time in a second-hand book shop for several years. Today her son attends church service regularly, is an avid guitar player and composes Christian songs as a hobby. Mrs Lim heart’s desire and her prayer daily is that people will not take advantage of her son because of his child-like honesty and will treat those suffering from mental illness with patience and compassion. Mrs Lim clings to the assurance that the Lord will love her son, to the end of his days as He has promised in John 13:1b “that having loved His own, who were in the world, He loved them to the end.”

Experiencing God

Having gone through so many challenges, Mrs Lim is assured of God’s presence in her life. When you are willing to surrender everything to God, you will experience God’s power and presence. When we are feeling abandoned, broken and hopeless, God is committed to pick us up, we are never left alone. She believes in what Apostle Paul wrote in Philippians 4:6-7 (RSV):

Have no anxiety about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which passes all understanding, will keep your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Have faith that God is present and that He has the power to rebuild us from tragedy and devastation. Today, at age 87, she is still actively serving the Lord. A few months after her surgery, she was seen dropping off a fellow church member, who has failing eyesight, in the church car park. Unlike her early days of widowhood, Mrs Lim is now strong and resilient, capable of taking the driver’s seat for the Lord’s weaker children.

And those who know Your name will put their trust in You; for You, Lord, have not forsaken those who seek You. (Psalm 9:10 NKJV)

Her parting encouragement is that storms are sure to come our way while we are on planet earth. But with God’s help, we can learn how to overcome all of them. Storms come and go, while God’s presence remain constant. We can’t stop the storm but we can reach out for God’s hand and find it, every time. Choose to be still and know that He is a God whom we can completely trust. Seek Him first when you fall.

*nee Seow Hoi Wan