1 May 2015 by Adeline Lum CM-
Many times, I find myself too busy for God. Sometimes, spending time with God almost feels like a morning chore. And while my responsibilities kept adding onto my plate, overwhelmed with life, I began negotiating the time I spend with Him.
From one hour, I would tell God, “Father, I don’t have time. I think I would just give you half an hour.” And because I was so anxious to start my day and go on a frenzy mode of ticking off my to-do list, the time spent with God did not bring me to the deep rest I wanted.
What kind of rest am I talking about? I longed for David’s type of rest, whose heart said to God these words:
1 My heart is not proud, Lord,
my eyes are not haughty;
I do not concern myself with great matters
or things too wonderful for me.
2 But I have calmed and quieted myself,
I am like a weaned child with its mother;
like a weaned child I am content.
3 Israel, put your hope in the Lord
both now and forevermore.
(Psalm 131)
I felt convicted. Reading these Words felt like a gush of water flowing down my drying soul.
The first verse here says, “My heart is not proud, Lord, my eyes are not haughty.” David was a king and yet, he knew who the King of kings and Lord of lords is. David knew who was standing before him. Hence, he was humble in addressing his King.
Following this verse, David said, “I do not concern myself with great matters or things too wonderful for me.” When I spend time with God, I felt that my grandiose plans for the day are more important than spending time with Him. I could not wait to fulfill my tasks, imagining the triumph of me achieving them all. And yes, I want to quickly achieve it! So, my heart says, “God, you are important but you see, I have more important things to complete than You, I have bigger things in life.”
This thought brought me to the Garden of Gethsemane where Jesus said to His disciples, “Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me. I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. ” (John 15:4-5)
All of us want to do great, big things in life. But God says in His Word, that apart from Him, we can do nothing. A branch can only bear fruit if it is attached to the vine, the life giver and supporter. And no matter how strong a branch is, if it is cut from the vine, it would only decay in a few days. But that is how I usually function. Spending time with God for me is like taking a deep breath of His Presence, and then holding on to it for a few days before I am completely exhausted. At that point of burnt out, only then I will come crying to my Father and sit quietly at His feet. But God did not meant for us to have this touch-and-go type of relationship. In fact, Jesus says to us, “Remain in me.” What He meant is stay with me all the time, from the moment you wake up to the moment you go to sleep.
But I also wonder if this is possible, to constantly remain in Him and be aware of His Presence. So, I search the Word. In the Bible, you will find that God is faithful in His Words. He is trustworthy. He is not double-minded. He does not changed. If we follow His commandments, He will do His part to fulfill His promises because He is a covenantal God. He does not change His commandments like the wind. And He makes His commandments readily for all to see and to follow, because they are good. God is not the “sometimes” type of God. He is the “always” and the “never” type of God. In His Word, He said to us, “I will never leave you nor forsake you” (Heb 13:5) and “Behold, I am with you always, to the end of age.” (Matt 28:20) God is “always” with us. And because of that, He wants us to “always” remain in Him. What a great promise and assurance we have from our Father in Heaven!
But to my best effort, I believe that my flesh readily fails me. Forgetting about Him can be easy while I go about my daily work. But thank God because He has sent us a helper, the Holy Spirit, who will teach us all things and remind us of everything God has said to us. (John 14:26) The Holy Spirit would also put the laws in our hearts and write them on our minds (Heb 10:15-16) That is why we are called to pray without ceasing (1 Thes 5:17-19), to ask the Holy Spirit for help. In other words, to be with God, to remain in Him, is to go with the flow of the Holy Spirit. That means not fighting against the Spirit but to follow and to surrender. And what a paradox is it! Because if anything, I am striving not to strive, or I am learning and practicing to always be in God’s presence.
Hence, like David, I prayed to God to help me calm and quiet myself down “like a weaned child with its mother, like a weaned child I am content.” (Psalm 131:2) And when I surrender and let go, the peace of God that transcends understanding (Phil 4:7) comes upon me, sapping all forms of stresses and burdens. In his steadfast love, there is an inner and a stable form of joy. And with His Presence, I find my day, albeit troubles and inconveniences, very much more enjoyable because God is with me. I can see how remaining in Him is such a good thing!
Therefore, like King David who put his hope in the Lord both then and forevermore (Psalm 131:3), I will put my hope in God as well. I remember once asking myself in the darkness of my heart, “What do I really get from spending time with God?” And one day, I heard God say to me, “My child, you are spending time with me more for yourself, than for me.” What I get is His Presence and that is enough. Like the psalmist who said – “Whom have I in heaven by You? And besides You, I desire nothing on earth. My flesh and my heart may fail, But God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever” (Psalm 73:25-26) – the Lord is my portion and my prize! To personally know Him is therefore my greatest reward from spending time with Him.
I learned that I have nothing to lose but everything to gain, in my time spent with God.
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