Do you feel like an oddball among your friends because of your faith? Or perhaps, you feel like your zealousness for Christ, makes you a Christian whose head is buried in the clouds?
It’s amazing how God sometimes bring me through experiences that my heart is so burdened that I have to write about this topic – the loneliness of oddballs.
Yes, loneliness. It’s funny and ironic how sometimes we know that we have the Father, the Holy Spirit, and Jesus Christ with us all the time. Yet, sometimes, I wish there is a human being, someone in the flesh, who would understand and celebrate victories together, with common interests and the zealousness for God.
Lately, I had been brought to a position of solitude to look for the Lord. Well, the Lord had always been here. It’s just that I was not looking for Him. But too much solitude can prove to be dangerous, as a mind left in solitude too long can brew a conducive ground for the enemy to attack.
So, I prayed to God one day and told him, “God, I know that You are always with me and I know that I can talk to you anytime of the day. But Lord, it would be nice to have a few brothers and sisters-in-Christ to walk with and have the same heart and mind as me.” (Not that I do not have, but sometimes I wished they would just come naturally) I wonder if this request is too over-the-top to ask. But we are not made to live alone. Even God lives in communion, as in the Father, the Son Jesus, and the Holy Spirit.
Hence, how do I really solve this problem? As much as my dear friend had written about patience, I find that I truly lack this component, in the name of my so-called zealousness. But really, it’s impatience. I want my healing now! I want to see God opening doors now! I want it now! I said to God, “Lord, I’m ready. I can go wherever You want me too now.” But wait… nothing is really quite happening.
I had a conversation with a friend, and she reminded me how Abraham waited for 25 years for God’s purpose for him to be fulfilled. Well, okay… from a few months, now I am looking at a possibility of decades to fulfil. Suddenly, my countenance fell. I said to God, “Lord, my energy is high now, it’s best to really build this momentum and run with it.” But God’s ways are higher than my ways, and His thoughts are higher than my thoughts.
“For My thoughts are not your thoughts, Nor are your ways My ways,” declares the LORD. “For as the heavens are higher than the earth, So are My ways higher than your ways And My thoughts than your thoughts. (Isaiah 55:8-9)
Sometimes, I also wonder why did God take His Time to heal me? If only He would just pull this thorn out and heal this emotional burden in me, then I will be set free to fully serve Him. Then again, I talked to a friend on how God allowed her to struggle in loneliness for a decade. And this has proven to be a great place for her to learn to trust God more as her comforter. Surrounded by her brothers and sisters-in-Christ now, she did not feel lonely anymore and truly feel free to be happy and to fully enjoy the company of people.
So, here I am writhing, struggling, and wondering when I can actually get out of this. But the truth is this: in life, there will always be a problem here and there. If I were to wait for this problem to be over, before I can get happy, chances are I will never be happy. Hence, I have decided in my mind to be happy. The Bible says to focus on good things.
Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable – if anything is excellent or praiseworthy – think about such things. (Phil 4:8)
I find that most battles start in the mind first. As much as we read God’s Word, we need to believe in these words and practice them. John Piper and even Francis Chan shared how they need to fight for joy. And yes, I will too, and hope you as well, would come together for this fight for joy… that is already ours. Yes, this joy is already ours because Christ has already freed us from sin and we are free to be filled with the fullness of Him. And this fullness comes with joy, from understanding, knowing, accepting, and fully embracing God’s unconditional love for us. Again, it’s the battle of the mind.
And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. (Eph 3:17-19)
And truth to be told, although my mind understood God’s unconditional love for me, my heart finds it difficult to understand. I kept wanting to make myself worthy of God’s love. Until one day, I heard God said, “Why are you trying to be my daughter when you are already Mine?” And I said, “Father, I do not know how to be your daughter.” It might sound quite ridiculous because I find it hard to just sit down and do nothing as the daughter of God. It’s almost like a child doing cartwheels in front of her father to prove, “See! I can do all these cartwheels, and now I am worthy to be your daughter.” I can feel God almost laughing in His Heart now. The picture seems quite funny and absurd. Nothing a child can do will cause the father to renounce his or her position as a child, unless the child renounces the father. And yet we know our Father in Heaven is always welcoming the Prodigal Son back.
So, yes, at this point, I am trying hard, ironically striving not to strive to do cartwheels for my Father. But just let Him love me. What a revelation! Let Your Father love you! And that’s so hard. Many of us grew up with the performance standard to live up to.
Every day, it seems like we are valued on a yardstick of worthiness: Are you beautiful enough? Are you smart enough? Are you fast enough? Are you brave enough? Are you making enough money? Are you this and that? Yet, God says, “My child, I love you so much. Come and sit by me. You don’t need to do any cartwheels. You just need to be my daughter.”
The natural response of just receiving our Father’s unconditional love is this desire to also want to love Him back and to love others back. Love still stands as the most powerful force in the world.
So yes, my dear friends, are you willing to let your Father in Heaven love you? Are you willing to be His Daughter or just be His Son? Are you willing? It’s hard for us sometimes to grasp and understand why. It’s funny how we always ask God “Why” when things turned out wrong. Yet, we seldom asked this question, “Why God did you want to love us so much, in such an unconditional way?”
And sometimes, in our walk with God, we get so jaded with this message, “Christ died for me. God loves me unconditionally.” But really, it’s a mind-blowing fact if you think deep and meditate on it. Why is it unconditional? Have you ever wondered? This is because we can never love God in an equal way of how He loves us. No matter how much we profess or want to prove our love for Him, the truth is His Love for us will always be more than our love for Him. If we were a container, His Love for us will fill us to the brim until it overflows into an ocean.
So, yes, to put a picture of God’s vastness in love, that’s mind-blowing. And this is not a fantasy. Imagine a person who is perfect and loves you unconditionally and is constantly accessible to you. And this person is your Father in Heaven! Do you know that you can have that love now? I must also say, in humility and respect, that really no one can really replace or replicate the massiveness of God’s love, beyond depth, height, width, and length.
And you, my friend, can receive this love now. You can. Just be the daughter of God or son of God. Just accept and receive His Love for you. You don’t need to prove your worthiness or struggle or fight. You just need to come. The Lord says, “Come My Love, drink of My Deep Love. Do not go thirsty anymore. My water quenches the deepest thirst. Do not look here or there because I am here for you. For you. Will you come with me?”
Yes, God loves you very, very much. Not trite but truth. I love you all too. God Bless you. With that said, I must also say I do value and cherish many of my close relationships with my people of faith. And they have shown me God’s love in such tangible and intangible ways. Had it not been for their encouragement and love, I would not have made many breakthroughs. But yes, do access to the everlasting, unlimited, and open cistern of Love from your Father in Heaven.
Drink deep, my friend, drink deep.
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By Adeline Lum
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