Let’s face it. All of us have a list of the things or qualities we want in our future partners – myself included. As I was coming out with a list of my own at the start of the year, I felt a tugging within that the list did not feel right.
Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? (Matthew 7:3)
And so I came out with a different list. It was my list for my spouse in the hopeful future.
#1 Present to him a woman who loves God as much as she loves him
Loving God need not mean my spouse takes the backseat. Loving and honouring God is different from loving and honouring him; because loving God helps me love him better, and not the other way around.
#2 A woman who does not allow the past hold to her against him
There will be times when I will spooked especially when the incidents are similar to the experiences in the past, but I will not hold it against him. It was a different time in a different place with a different person.
#3 A woman who although is independent, is pleased that he had chosen her to be a part of his life
I may be opinionated. I may be headstrong. But I will strive to be a woman who demonstrates her love for her spouse by being adaptable, understanding and in everything she does, always loves.
#4 A woman who does not demand to be loved and will be content with him
I will be honest here. I will whine and ask for TLC* from him – men sometimes can be (for the lack of a better word) dense.
However, I will not make demands for him to demonstrate his love. I will not put him down, but instead defend him if people try to condemn him.
I will have faith in him and not give up. I will learn to be content with him, since I’m not perfect myself.
Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. (Ephesians 4:2-3)
* TLC = Tender Loving Care
#5 A woman who is a mother without neglecting being his wife
I look forward to children and hope my future spouse does too. I know that it is a common “fact” that the husband takes a backseat when the kids come.
The kids will be a handful and will take a large portion from ‘our’ time. But I want to be a wife first and a mother second because I want to be…
#6 …A woman who teaches love
By loving the father of my children with all my heart, because he is my chosen partner. I will cover him and our future children with prayers. Challenge him and the children to go the distance and achieve what they desire. And however it is hard to do, I will always try to balance my expectations with the natural gifting of those whom I love and want to nurture.
#7 A woman who didn’t “let go”
Marrying someone isn’t a done deal. The “signed, sealed, delivered” didn’t come with a clause saying that the other party will stop making an effort in looking good, in engaging the other as a person, and being the person he loved in the first place.
Above all, I want to let him see that although I’m a woman who does not need to be with a man, but chose to want and need a man. I want to learn to lean on him, as he on me, not because of fairy tales or nagging from others, but because I want to love and be loved, to need and be needed, in sickness or in health, for richer or for poorer, to love, to cherish and always remain true to each other – ‘til death do us part.
A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies.
Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value.
She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life. (Proverbs 31:10-12)
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Unfortunately, she doesn’t exist in 2015. Move on!