The wonderful thing about the relationship between Christians and a personal God is that this God has a very deep and awesome concern with even the littlest detail of our lives. This includes even practical matters like our sexual desires and relationships with our loved ones including spouses.
When you take the time to think of it, we are blessed that this is so, for it involves matters of the soul like accountability, and in the ripples of how we affect others around us. Last Sunday, Pr Datuk Kee Sue Sing shared a very practical message about what it means to be coming together as a Christian couple.
The central big idea in a Christian marriage is that God wants every Christian marriage to be filled with passion, fulfillment, and a satisfaction the world cannot duplicate. Such a meaning to marriage can only come from God.
Marriage is meant to be a beautiful gift from God. However, many Christians may hold certain wrong notions about it. This includes venerating the celibate life as the only truly spiritual life, and even when married, many Christian couples treat sexual relations between husband and wife as taboo.
In Paul’s time, this was the prevailing view among the Church, a result of the sexual immorality that was being practiced freely in the culture outside the Church. In 1 Corinthians 7, Paul gave to the Corinthian Church some very sensible advice concerning the matter.
In the passage, Paul writes about self-control. In the very first verse, he writes that it is good for a man not to touch a woman. Pr Datuk Kee explained; ‘The word “touch” in this passage means: to light a fire; to stir up a flame of passion in a person. We should draw straight boundaries and shall never light a flame that we cannot control or put out. We shall never underestimate sexual powers of a human body. When passion is inflamed, it is hard to contain. We can only legitimately put out the fire in a marriage bed.’
Why was Paul giving such advice? Was he counseling people to get married so that they could fan the flame of passion? No! He was in fact emphasizing the sanctity of our bodies as the Temple of God, and that we as believers need to avoid any form of sexual immorality. We should honor God by legitimately entering into a consecrated marriage relationship instead of getting involved in other forms of sexual deviation such as cohabitation, adultery, and so on.
Within this counsel are encapsulated two central principles: firstly, that sexual relations itself is not evil. Indeed, it was created by God as a blessing to Adam and his descendants so that the Earth could be populated and so that His creation could be stewarded. Secondly, however, having received such blessing, we also need to recognize the sanctity of the body.
Pr Datuk Kee conveyed that the doctrine of sanctity of the body needs to be heard anew in the church. ‘God has purchased us for higher things. Our bodies belong to God through the redemption on the cross. Our bodies are destined for resurrection. Our bodies are the very temples of the Holy Spirit, sacred and holy, and for the Lord who is to be honored. Therefore, FLEE sexual immorality.’
What were the practical counsels that Paul gave to the Corinthians that we can still apply in Christian marriages today? Firstly, that the Christian marriage must be built on a foundation of mutual respect.
‘In a Christian marriage, sexual intimacy is not a demand. When any spouse feels simply used, desires for intimacy diminishes very quickly. Sex in marriage is a gift that is to be freely offered to each other. There should not be selfish, self-centred, satisfying of one’s own desire.’
Pr Datuk Kee shared that Christian couples need to understand sexual intimacy in a Biblical way. Firstly, that sexual intimacy in its pure form is altogether good. It is a time of closeness and superior joy, beautifully represented by Solomon in his Songs.
Sexual intimacy should never be used by a husband or wife as a weapon, or its abstention as a punishment. It can only be withheld under certain conditions (through mutual consent, during a time of spiritual renewal, and only for a short time). Abstention should be a concession and never a rule.
Why was such an advice given by Paul instead of total celibacy? Primarily, Paul was concerned for the relations between the husbands and wives, even in the Early Church. A marriage like any such involved relationship is fragile. It requires a bonding and investment of one person into another.
A message that you’re no longer desirable creates frustration and opens doors to the enemy. Paul was counseling the couples in the Corinthian Church to keep the flame of their marriage fire going. Ultimately, a Christian marriage must be built upon two things: Affection and Exclusivity.
Pr Datuk Kee imparted that it takes more than sex to create intimacy. Little things such as holding hands, spending time together, being kind to one another, and so on, matter a great deal. Husbands and wives must grow to be more intimate and affectionate.
When God consecrates a marriage between one man and one woman, He also sets into being a model of exclusivity. This means that for each spouse, the other is truly someone special and that they have no eyes for anyone else. They truly hold each other as a treasure and a blessing that has been given to them by God. Such a spouse takes issues of accountability seriously and will safeguard the other as someone truly beyond value.
‘God wants every Christian marriage to be filled with passion, fulfilment and a satisfaction the world cannot duplicate,’ Pr Datuk Kee conveyed. ‘However, it takes work, prayer, commitment, placing the needs of their spouse ahead of their own, and willingness to live by God’s standards.’
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Jason Law
NOTE: This article is based on the writer’s impartation from a sermon shared by Pr Datuk Kee Sue Sing in DUMC on the 28th of February. It has not been vetted by Dr Kee or DUMC.
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