Our Jealous God

Ref: catherinecouturier
Ref: catherinecouturier

11 April 2015 by Esperanza Ng CM- 

 

She slumped against the wall with her knees drawn up and tears flowing freely down her cheeks. With no one to confide in, she closed her eyes and cried Heavenward:

  

When everything was falling into place

And I was spiritually high

I constantly sought Your face

With a smile and a satisfied sigh

 

But then You brought me here

To a place so unfamiliar

And I thought I so was sure

That my faith would never waver

  

Needless to say

Trials came my way

Though You provided me with all I needed

You did not give me what I wanted

  

I know better than to be angry

And that bitterness would only harm me

But this deep hollow ache in my belly

Is enough for me to sometimes doubt Your sovereignty

 

Lost and almost broken

My mind a muddled confusion

I find I have no choice

But to listen for your voice

  

Father why do You test me?

Why do others seem to have it so easy?

Father won’t You help me

Not to feel so lonely?

  

I imagined tons of love and affection

From the people who would be my companions

But it seems that my pure intentions

Always end me up in complicated situations

  

The fellowship that I long for

And the qualities of true friendship I seek

Slam in my face like a blown shut door

Leaving me bemused and so very bleak

 

I don’t understand what wrong I have done

To be deprived of silly giggles and fun

I don’t mean to disobey You, dear Lord

But coveting my neighbor has been something I do quite a lot

 

People call me “lucky”

They think I have everything and that I’m happy

Thus in the midst of my misery and self pity

I can’t help but feel awfully guilty

 

Am I not blessed?

Have my prayers not been answered?

While many out there are messed up and stressed

I sit around and relax in comfort!

 

It’s not that I’m not grateful, Lord

I thank You from the pit of my wretched heart

However I’m still very much a girl

And this weight I carry does not feel like a very good start

 

Won’t You speak to me, Father?

Won’t You show me what You want of me?

Draw me out of this darkness please, Savior

And mold me into the masterpiece You have meant for me to be

 

And in the quiet stillness of the night, she could almost audibly hear Him say:

 

My child, I love you more than you can comprehend

My daughter, I want you more than you can understand

You have made people your primary importance

And because of that I must act with utmost significance

 

I created you for My glory

You were made to adore Me

But you look for fulfillment elsewhere

You base your identity on how much people care

 

Your attention for Me is wispy and temporary

You’re a slave to the idols you unconsciously worship

But I burn for the devotion and intensity

That you have drained into your other relationships

 

Like Israel, you have succumbed to distraction

To worldly demands and social expectations

Your restless inconsistency displeases Me

For I settle for no less than all your time and energy

 

Ground yourself in My Spirit and in My Wisdom

Remember your position in My Heavenly Kingdom

Pore over My Word despite your hectic schedule

Because I matter more than anyone else’s approval

 

Never forget I am a jealous God, My beloved treasure

And I want to be your complete and permanent desire

Make Me priority

And all you ask for will pale in comparison to My grace and generosity

 

Deuteronomy 4:23-24

Be careful not to forget the covenant of the LORD your God that He made with you; do not make for yourselves an idol in the form of anything the LORD your God has forbidden. For the LORD your God is a consuming fire, a jealous God.

 

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